I've been sick with a cold for the past few days and it has (more than anything) made me realize that I really hate my nose. Line up any number of girls and they'll probably rant about how they think their particular body part looks ugly. No. Not me.

First of all, I'm not a girl.

Second of all, I don't pick my nose (pun intended) simply because I think it looks ugly. Actually it IS...but that's a whole entire issue on its own. Rather, I hate my nose because I think that functionally, the design really blows. (Pun not intended until I just realized it could be used as a pun). Actually, I think my nose is fine for the most part. Heck, I don't pay it much attention for most of the time. It's only when I get a cold that I really wish my nose didn't have such a faulty design.

*sigh*

Ok. Here's the problem. My nose is one of those small pug-ish kind of noses. Which means you can see my nostrils. Bang. Like right up there. Ok...so it's all fine and you don't really care. But when I get all congested and snotty from a cold, you can see that too. Yuck. And that's when you DO care. Because, who wants to see that? You're minding your own business. You pay your taxes. You recycle. You're a good citizen. The last thing you need to see is my boogers. I UNDERSTAND you don't want that, and frankly, neither do I.

Which means I'm blowing my nose all the time to make sure the torpedo tubes are free and clear. But you can never be sure when you've got all the chunks. I mean you think you've got it all...but you can never be sure (unless you wanna run into the bathroom every few minutes and check in the mirror...yah remember? we guys don't carry around personal mirrors like you ladies). For all I know, I could have a dingle ball up there that everyone can see and knows about it, except me. Believe me...dingle balls work wonders in wooing the women.

*shakes head* No Johnny. They don't.

If only my nose was more downward shaped...then you'd never see my nostrils as clearly! Heck, it wouldn't be as bad if friends would just tell you when you have a dingle ball--but they never do. Plus the polite people just look away. Those bums.

*shakes fist*

I guess it's because we don't know what to say. At least when your zipper is open, we have casual phrases like "your barn door is open" to hint the person to check themselves. What do people say when they see a visible booger bogey up a person's nose?

See?

We don't have anything to say. Which is why I have come up with a five short ones...just in time for the upcoming cold season. So, here they are:

5. I guess it must be pretty dark up your nose at night, cuz I can see they made a few candles for the night.
4. *point to nose* Looks like SOMEONE got left behind on the field trip...
3. The church bells are ringing, but I think the choir has already left for home.
2. The squirrels are storing their nuts up for the winter, eh?
1. Hey bud, looks like your nose hairs are playing soccer again.

So there. Now you know what to say, next time you see bogey boogers.

*blows nose*

I hate colds.

_____________________
(*) "Boogerlicious" is a term that Mary the Magic Poo Fairy would use. Term used here without permission.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

My.

God.

I now have that J-Lo song stuck in my mind. Someone shoot me please.

That is all.

Potluck at my place went surprisingly well. No food poisoning incidents (so far). No police arrived (well...except earlier in the morning). At no point did any guests go to a corner of the room to cry. And best of all (or worst of all), no spectacular food fights.

Only good food, great company, bad law jokes, and blackjack (dealt by an actual trained blackjack dealer). A karaoke rendition of J-Lo's "Waiting for Tonight" also rounded out the evening. Actually, come to think of it, that pretty much ended the party. Call it "game over" when you start breaking out the J-Lo songs.

Thanks to all those who came out! Extra claps go around to the people who brought food and drinks as well. Thanks guys!

Cheers! *raises glass*

I just wrote my worst midterm ever!!! Woo hoo! This is a new high/low point in my academic career! Wheeeee!!!

(To professor): So...did you want my blood and guts included with the exam booklet, or shall I just leave them on the floor?

*idly kicks aside entrails with foot*

Ah well...it was to be expected. I knew going in that I had a fat-kid's-chance-in-gym-class of doing well. Anyway...this all means I gotta do well on the final.

Ahhh...phooey.

Thinking of having a potluck at my place this Saturday (Scott and I were talking about this briefly the other day). He was commenting how you should really go for an all meat and nuts potluck. Just to piss off all the vegetarians. Actually a girl in my class is violently allergic to nuts. All the more reason, I say! Think extra meat and nuts kids!

And pork rinds for snacks. Heh. I don't even like pork rinds. What are rinds anyway? Aren't they just deep fried pig skins? Hmmm....pork skins.

Swimming in gravy.

Awww...they're all down at the bottom? Gee...sorry there! Just wait for them to float up to the top! Hmm....for some reason that reminds me of movie popcorn. You know how they squirt butter soup all over your popcorn? I bet it's probably the oil they skim off the water they used to boil the hotdogs.

Last note. I heard from an unofficial source that had a friend who worked at one of those fast food Taco **** joints. They got the meat in liquid plastic bags. Yah. Exactly. It came in "liquid" form (apparently it solidifies after frying). Yummers.

Yo. That's so anti-Jared (you know...that Subway guy). So...ummm...why exactly am I hungry now?

Hi!!! *wave*

Ok ok. So after a three month hiatus...I'm back.

So let's catch up! Hmm...lemme fast forward through my life from the past few months. Summer was REAL busy. Went off for a week long photo road trip through the Rockies (touched a glacier oooh!), had 20 relatives from Korea visit me (all at the same time...aiyah!), finally found a girlfriend (yah...don't die out of shock! I could hardly believe it either...well...until she dumped me. *nervous laughter*), got accepted at clown school (they made a mistake. shhhh...so don't tell them), moved to a new city, and started drinking Vanilla soy milk (never touched that stuff until this summer). Certainly, it has been an interesting few months.

(As Martha Stewart would say, "and that's a good thing". Umm...lemme guess...it goes well with the mango chutney too? Gee thanks Martha.) Well, it's been an absolutely, incredibly, exciting and exhilarating rollercoaster adventure. And I'm only talking about the part of me drinking soy milk. So yah. In one word? Wow. I suppose I could get more detailed about things. But I won't. Awww...dissatisfied? Well, just go buy some soy milk and try it for yourself. Hah. Actually...no joke! I actually don't mind drinking that stuff.

I like mixing it with my Enriching Greens that I have in the mornings. Make sure to get a proper shaker if you're mixing powders though. Took me the whole summer to realize this. A spoon or stir rod (chopstick) just doesn't cut it--no wonder my chemistry lab results were always wrong. Those darn lab monkeys told me stirring was good enough! *shakes fist* Damn you lab monkeys!!! I might have actually passed chemistry. Grrrr. Anyway, if you don't use a shaker, you usually can drink most of the solution (hah! check out my fly-ass chem grade 9 vocab knowledge!), but you still need to break out the forks and knives to chow down on the powder chunks at the bottom of your cup. Powder chunks may be slimy on the outside, but they're crunchy on the inside. And we're not talking about the good friendly kind of crunchy either. We're talking nasty crunchy. Trust me, you don't wanna go there. It's like a bathroom party in your mouth. And everyone had chilli for lunch. (Ahhh...good to know my sick bathroom humour is still with me these days. *pats self on back*).

ANYWAY...so now I'm living in the city of Victoria, BC (a good 1.5 hour boat ride from Vancouver). Heh. I guess now I can say I *AM* fresh off the boat (FOB). Mrrrr....sorry. Bad joke. Wah!!! Victoria is quaint, cute and slow. In other words, it's over-populated by seniors, everyone here drives like melting butter and the nightlife practically ends before 10PM. But hey, it keeps me out of trouble and my nose clean.

For most of the time anyway.

Ok. Midterm coming up fast. I haven't been doing my readings...so I definately got to get up Amish ass-crack of dawn and start studying.

Hope all is well with everyone. Missed y'all madly. Genuine chunkloves to everyone. More updates when I've got the time...