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Ok, according to my dad, this is not what happened. But this is how I saw it...
My dad was getting his car serviced at the dealership today. Being the filial *cough cough* son that I am, I agreed to drive him back to the dealer so he could pick up the car. We were walking back towards our cars when my dad asked me, "You know the way back home, right?"
I nodded my head. "Yeah dad...I HAVE only lived here for all my life. Besides, I just drove you here."
My dad climbed into his car and called out, "Ok...you go your way, and I'll go my way, we'll see who gets home first."
I climbed into my car and started my engine. "Uh-huh," I answered. I shifted into "D" and drove off. I could see a glint in his eye.
The race was on.
I blipped the throttle as I reached the exit out of the dealership. I could feel the suspension soak up the bumps as my car launched onto the street. I glanced at my rear view mirror and could see that my dad was following closely. A part of my mind started to chide, "How immature!!! Racing with your OWN FATHER of all people! You better let him win."
Shut up brain! This is a race.
Wary of police, I didn't try to speed, and kept my speed constant with the flow of traffic. In fact, there was so much traffic, I couldn't do much. My father was following me one car length behind. The lights at the intersection ahead must have changed red--the traffic was beginning to creep to a stop. I could see there was a service truck and a bus three cars ahead in our lane. Ugh...slow accelerating beasts. I knew I had to get out of that lane.
Suddenly, I saw an opening in the right lane. I flicked on the blinkers for a second (careful not to give enough time for my dad to steal my position) and slid into the gap in traffic. Buh-bye now! I tossed my hand out the sunroof and waved at my dad as I drove past the slow truck and bus in his lane. As soon as I past the intersection, traffic began to loosen up. Carefully weaving my way through the traffic for the next few minutes, I managed to put a considerable gap (15 cars) between myself and my dad. I grinned.
"Like stealing candy from a baby," I mumbled under my breath.
Two klicks later, traffic again slowed to a crawl as all three lanes merged onto the right-most lane. Up ahead, I could see inexperienced and undecided mergers slowing everyone down. Seeing a space for myself, I chose to merge in early. Big mistake. As I turned on my CD player, I saw a silver streak pass me on the left. It was my dad. I saw my dad barrelling down the road and merging at the last possible moment--WAY ahead of me. My jaw dropped. Cheatin' bugger! Ack!
"You want to play dirty, eh? Well two can play at that game!" I muttered.
Not to be undone, I toggled off 'overdrive' and switched back onto the left-most lane. I punched the throttle. The engine growled as the needle quickly climbed back up to 70. I was nearing the concrete barrier ending the lane. 75. I flicked on my blinkers. 80. A white Mustang was leaving an abnormally wide gap between herself and a pickup truck. PERFECT! I hit the brakes and slowed my car to match their speed and slid into the gap.
However it was too late...my father was at least eight car lengths ahead. I could see him turning left onto the bypass. Given mid-afternoon traffic, the bypass is a much quicker route. However, the route also winds through a series of two-lane back roads. I knew it would be impossible to safely overtake my father on that stretch. Being eight cars behind, it was a lost cause. I decided to take my chances with the highway and continued straight.
Traffic was particularly heavy and slow, so I decided I had enough fun for the day. I decided not to overtake the slow-as-molasses, family of four riding in the green Volvo ahead of me. I sighed. I knew I had lost. I imagined pulling into the garage to see my dad grinning from ear to ear. He would probably slap me on my back and ask me what took so long.
Fifteen minutes later, I pulled into my house. To my surprise, the garage was empty. HA!!!! My dad had not made it back yet! I was first! I guess the bypass route is actually slower...either that or my dad had hit some unexpected traffic. I parked and walked into the house with the biggest grin on my face. I tried to stop smiling, but I couldn't. I felt evil.
I ran into the bathroom and started brushing my teeth in a desperate attempt to stop grinning. I could hear my dad drive up. He walked into the bathroom and looked at me. I must have looked pretty stupid--a toothbrush in my mouth and a stupid grin on my face. Hehehe. I like to gloat!
"You! Not fair! Cheater!" my dad exclaimed. I laughed and nearly swallowed my toothbrush. I spat out the toothpaste and rinsed.
I shot back, "Hey I wasn't the first person to merge at the LAST possible moment. That was a pretty cheap move!"
My dad waved me off and walked to my mom, our household adjudicator. He started to explain his version of the story, "David...he was driving so fast! 140! 160! Totally not fair!"
Yeah whatever! There was no way I was going that fast.
I won fair and square. You guys all believe me, right?
Hehehe.
Posted by Dave at October 19, 2001 03:50 PM